It's eleven something and I am sitting here typing as my girl is finally sleeping on the air matress with Catey. I wrote her a letter to put in the front of her journal and now all of the snap shots of our lives together seem to flash through my mind. There are so many things I would have done differently, but there are so many things I wouldn't have changed for the world. Man, it is amazing how time slips through your fingers. One minute you're told you will be bringing new life into the world. You spend nine months getting to know this little creature, she has her own personality befo
re she's even born, you have so many hopes and dreams for her and only you can protect her. The next thing you know nine months are up and you have this precious baby in your arms that you are absolutely scared to death of or atleast I was. I spent the next six weeks praying for someone else to take care of her because I didn't want to break my china doll. She was so fragile and so small, so tiny and helpless. Wow, that was a lifetime ago! For a brief second, I looked away and my baby rolled over, crawled, walked, talked, kept talking, kept talking more. kept talking even more, anyway... Well, I looked back and now, she is five years old and going to kindergarten. With each day that passes she needs me less and less and everyday, my heart brea
ks more and more. What do I do when the day comes that I need her more than she needs me?
re she's even born, you have so many hopes and dreams for her and only you can protect her. The next thing you know nine months are up and you have this precious baby in your arms that you are absolutely scared to death of or atleast I was. I spent the next six weeks praying for someone else to take care of her because I didn't want to break my china doll. She was so fragile and so small, so tiny and helpless. Wow, that was a lifetime ago! For a brief second, I looked away and my baby rolled over, crawled, walked, talked, kept talking, kept talking more. kept talking even more, anyway... Well, I looked back and now, she is five years old and going to kindergarten. With each day that passes she needs me less and less and everyday, my heart brea
ks more and more. What do I do when the day comes that I need her more than she needs me? People tell you that you never love anyone like you love your own child and before children you say oh yeah, okay, whatever, but it is true. I tell Hannah "Did you know I wanted you even before I knew I had you? I prayed for you even when I was a little girl. I did, all I ever wanted to be was your mommy and it was truly God's will, because look at the odds we beat. Me and my girl showed everybody we were meant to be together no matter what." She has a picture in her room that Hazel bought her when I was pregnant and it sums up my prayer to be able to one day have a baby, the luck of getting pregnant, the pregnancy and my eyesight, and Hannah's will to live in the womb and in the world. It says: "I ask God for a miracle and he gave me you." That really says it all, it really does.
3 comments:
wow, check you out girl! you are really getting the hang of this whole blog thing. i think it's great! hannah will love this when she gets older and so will you. it will be so fun to look back on! that pic of her in cap and gown makes her look so mature. wow, hard to believe she is starting one of the biggest steps in life...school!
Yeah, too bad her mom's going to be the one kicking and screaming and she'll be the one telling me to calm down!
i can't say you'll be allright b/c i haven't been there yet! sorry, wish i could offer some comfort here.
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