A Better Day I Think

I had a better day today. This morning sucked, but the day did get better. I actually went to church this morning and then to my aunt's and uncle's house for lunch. We stayed there until 7:00 tonight. I hung out, ate good food, and didn't have to deal with real life. I did see an non-medicated bipolar and was reminded that I never want to go back to that again. I am not raging as bad as I was. I do still believe that my marriage is really serious trouble, but I am not nearly as angry. I am having multiple serious anxiety attacks and often get sick after I eat(I don't know if that is medicine related), but I will deal with that until Thursday, that's when I see Dr. Tullis again. When I get nervous the anxiety attacks are very bad. They really scare me. I almost passed out in Wal-Mart last night. The doc upped my medications-now I am taking 10 Topamax, 4 Lamictal, 3 Busbar, and 1 Trazadone. That is a lot of medication for one mental illness, huh? He may add Abilify if the depression does not go away. I really hope the depression does go away, but it has not let up yet. I cried a lot during church today, well I cried off and on all day, but the good news is I haven't had a drink today. That is something I am really proud of. Joey and I haven't fought today, we haven't been in the same room, but we haven't fought and didn't get angry with Hannah except for this morning, so I would call this a better day. I hope my days will get better. I know my marriage will never be syruppy sweet, we will never be really close, but I would atleast like for us to be friends. It was nice that today was a day that we were civil to each other. We didn't fight and I don't think anyones feelings got hurt. So I guess we had a Happy Easter.